How to Talk to the Doctor About Your Elderly Parent or Spouse

Family caregivers frequently bring up the problem of their elderly relatives lying to their physicians. At home, individuals may complain of severe discomfort, struggle to do everyday chores on their own, or display memory problems that lead to unjustified accusations. But in a doctor's office, the patient changes, like a performer on stage; they become animated and friendly and don't complain to their doctor. What might be the cause of this difference?

Why do seniors give inaccurate information to their doctors?

The reasons why a senior would lie to their doctor are usually complicated and difficult to pinpoint. However, this conduct is typically caused by anxiety, denial, and a phenomenon called "showtiming".

1. FearThe senior's fear is one of the reasons they put on such a show for medical experts. For a variety of reasons, they don't want to deal with the reality of an unfavorable assessment or a new diagnosis. It is distressing enough to learn that one has cancer, Parkinson's disease, heart illness, or dementia any kind. But a probable loss of freedom is among the most terrifying effects of such a diagnosis. In an attempt to leave with the best possible health record, they put on their business attire, ignore or minimize their symptoms, and tell the doctor whatever seems most acceptable.

2. EmbarrassmentThe fear of embarrassment is a significant motivating factor as well. Studies indicate that individuals across different age groups hesitate to disclose comprehensive health details to their physicians due to the fear of judgment or embarrassment. Seniors, in particular, have a lot at stake and strive to maintain their dignity, leading them to refrain from sharing information that might portray them as physically frail or making poor judgments.

3. DenialDenial serves as a natural and potent coping mechanism for humans, aiding in navigating challenging situations until we can emotionally comprehend and address them. In the context of our elderly loved ones, returning home from a doctor's visit without significant developments can be seen as successfully avoiding a potential issue. Whether conscious or not, many seniors focus and channel their efforts into that specific appointment, often persuading a doctor or other professionals who lack insight into their daily behaviors that everything is fine. The time constraints faced by healthcare providers, who increasingly shorten appointments, further compound this situation.

4. Dementia and ShowtimingBuilding on the underlying concepts of denial and fear, dementia makes visiting the doctor quite more difficult, causing family caregivers frustrated and confused. Seniors with dementia who are in the early to middle stages of the disease may put up a strong fight and make use of their residual cognitive faculties to put up a convincing front of being completely aware and coherent. The high energy and focus needed for such an act can leave a dementia patient physically and psychologically exhausted afterward, sometimes for extended durations, ranging from hours to even days. This behavior is frequently referred to as "showtiming."
   

While there are many different causes of showtiming, fear and denial are usually involved. Anosognosia, a very particular kind of what many consider to be "denial," is frequently the cause of dementia in patients. The most common feature of this neurological disorder is an inability to recognize one's own cognitive or psychological deficits. A senior suffering from Alzheimer's disease or another form of dementia cannot identify their mood swings, memory loss, or loss of judgment due to changes in their brains. Even when provided with hard evidence of memory issues or instances of poor decision-making, dementia individuals suffering from anosognosia would adamantly deny any such incidents. For the simple reason that they cannot recall them, they can even reject other symptoms or medical conditions.

8 Useful Tips for Speaking with Your Parent's Physician

1. Getting the Necessary PermissionsRemember that most doctors require an appointment for discussions. To engage in a thorough conversation about a loved one's condition and medical care, ensure you have the necessary HIPAA authorization and a valid medical power of attorney (POA) document. Prepare these three legal documents and distribute copies to all physicians overseeing your parent's care.

2. Speak With Your loved ones before the consultationIn contemporary healthcare, doctors value and respect patients who are well-informed and engaged in their own health. Unlike the past, where doctors were revered without much patient-physician interaction, today's medical professionals appreciate an educated patient. It's important to convey to our elders, who may have grown up in an era where doctors were seen as almost untouchable, that times have changed. Emphasizing that they hold a degree of power during medical appointments could encourage them to be more open, honest, and active participants in their healthcare discussions. This shift in mindset may lead to more meaningful and collaborative interactions with their healthcare providers.

3. Establish Your Role as an AdvocateTo ensure your loved one's safety and health, assure them of your genuine investment in their well-being. Building trust through sincere intentions is crucial, as some elders may have suspicions about others' motives. Despite challenges, genuine efforts can foster a sense of security and cooperation, despite the potential for failure.

4. Request to Speak with the Doctor Privately in AdvanceEncourage open communication about your loved one's acting skills and behaviors to healthcare professionals. This can help them understand the situation better and guide appropriate interventions or treatments based on the observed symptoms and behaviors. Share your observations openly, detailing specific instances that have raised concerns.

5. Provide and Send Documentation Ahead of timeTo communicate with a doctor, send a letter or email outlining your concerns before the appointment. This allows the doctor to be informed about the situation, suggest additional testing, recommend a specialist, or address concerns without disclosing the source, minimizing the risk of misinformation and ensuring a comprehensive discussion.

6. Maintain an Observational DiaryAttach notes of recent behaviors or health concerns to your letter, providing a detailed record for the doctor. This helps in understanding the situation without contradicting or embarrassing your loved one during an appointment. This comprehensive documentation can lead to accurate diagnoses or appropriate interventions without causing discomfort.

7. Take a list of their medications.A thorough list of your loved one's current medications, dosages, and over-the-counter medications can help doctors identify potential drug interactions, troubleshoot side effects, and prevent overmedication. Gathering pill bottles or bringing them to appointments allows doctors to make informed decisions about their well-being, ensuring a more accurate assessment of their overall health.

8. Keep Your Parent’s involvementEven in situations where they are limited for time, doctors must interact directly with patients during medical appointments. Family caregivers can be beneficial, but their main responsibilities are to assist the patient, record information, and enhance their care plan. Controlling appointments might cause withdrawal and resentment. Caregivers might have to get more involved while yet upholding the dignity of the elderly person. They ought to be handled like adult patients.
   

Your role as your parent’s caregiver play a crucial role in maintaining their wellbeing in the healthcare system by providing your parent’s comprehensive information, maintaining their legal documentation, and balancing active participation with dignity, ultimately improving the quality of life. If you want to know more information about caregiving, Apex Professional Care can help you because they takes pride in providing excellence in all aspects of their services. If you have any questions and inquiries, don’t hesitate to reach us on contact section.